give tea a chance

2008-06-07T16:27:00.001-07:00

This is a response to Sietske over at Frosting for Breakfast and her rant on iced tea: Canada vs. Americuuuuh.

I've spent a considerable amount of time traveling in theBANABAS.

everything ever ever ever is bad for you.

2008-06-04T17:34:00.000-07:00

I megaloathe you all. says:
http://health.msn.com/nutrition/slideshow.aspx?cp-documentid=100204508&imageindex=1 FIND THE GLARING SCIENCE ERROR

*naf puppy <3>
excuse me while I weep

I megaloathe you all. says:
NaNO2 and NaNO3 ARE NOT THE SAME THINGS OH MY GOD
one of them is SALTPETER
AHHHH

*naf puppy <3> says:
"Propyl gallate has not been proven to cause cancer, but studies done on animals have suggested that it could be linked to cancer, so it is an additive to be concerned about."
WE HAVE NO PROOF THAT IT DOES ANYTHING
BUT BE SCARED ANYWAY
OOOOOOOOOOOOOO BOOGEYMAN
what? little debbie cake rolls are BAD FOR ME?
well I fucking never

I megaloathe you all. says:
PS DON'T EAT ANYTHING

*naf puppy <3>
don't eat anything unless it came from a chicken you reared yourself in your own backyard on grains you grew yourself with organic soil and purified water
"the substance makes top 12 lists of additives to avoid because further study is needed to conclude whether or not acesulfame-K is harmful." OH MY GOD DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TAKES THE FDA TO APPROVE ANYTHING? OVER A DECADE YOU FREAKS

I megaloathe you all. says:
meat, cereal, gum, chips, vegetable oils, chicken soup, soup in general, chinese food, salad dressings, frozen foods, anything from resturants, anything involving trans fats, fake sugar, real sugar, soda, anything reduced salt, any salt, anything with food colouring, anything processed, everything everything everything everything ever

DON'T EAT THEM

*naf puppy <3>
oh man, I have this intense craving for gummi worms and soda

I megaloathe you all. says:
oh and alcohol
and pudding
and nicotine
dude, fuck, I need another pudding and booze night

*naf puppy <3>
I feel this incredible urge to get trashed and bake something

I megaloathe you all. says:
DON'T EAT MINTS

"The cooling taste of mint may sound like just the thing after a heavy meal, but it could spell trouble. According to the National Digestive Diseases Information Clearinghouse, mints are high on the list of foods that can cause heartburn, the telltale burning in the lower chest that occurs when juices from the stomach creep up into the esophagus. Mint seems to relax the muscle that keeps the valve at the top of the stomach clamped down, increasing the odds of reflux. Other surprising culprits: caffeine-containing food and beverages, such as chocolate, soda, and coffee."

*naf puppy <3>
hahahaha, one of the things to avoid is "sugar"

I megaloathe you all. says:
but you can't have "sweetners"

*naf puppy <3>
so what the fuck am I supposed to eat?

I megaloathe you all. says:
YOU CAN'T EAT ANYTHING
GOD

*naf puppy <3>
so they've banned salt and MSG and sugar and aspartame
I guess we're supposed to eat gruel

I megaloathe you all. says:
I imagine that if that dietician they got on that article saw your fridge, he'd splode.

*naf puppy <3>
I can only hope

I megaloathe you all. says:
WOTS ALL THIS THEN*kaboom*
apparently muscle mass is linked to resistance to cancer or something like that
sweet, now I know that I probably won't get cancer of the leg.

*naf puppy <3>
rad

I megaloathe you all. says:
But cancer of the tricep? now we have issues.

*naf puppy <3>
I'm surprised I don't have cancer already

I megaloathe you all. says:
you might actually just be made entirely of tumours

*naf puppy <3>
that's a thought.
mmm, I want cookies

I megaloathe you all. says:
me too
instead I ate yoghurt

*naf puppy <3>
I don't have any food, so.

I megaloathe you all. says:
icing?

*naf puppy <3>
I'm afraid of the icing

I megaloathe you all. says:
"MSG BAD --> USE SALT

SALT BAD --> USE YOUR TEARS

If you skip to the last page of this story, you'll discover Everyone Dies."

*naf puppy <3>
hahahaha

I megaloathe you all. says:
""...you'd be better off putting in a few grains of salt."

BUT I CAN'T EAT EXCESS SALT, SO WHAT THEN?"

I like how salt was NaCl
SODIUM CHLORIIIIIDE
EVVVVVVVVIL

*naf puppy <3>
I'm surprised they didn't call it NaCl2 or something

I megaloathe you all. says:
or sodium chloridium
SUPER EVIL
DUN DUN DUN

*naf puppy <3>
sodium chlorine

I megaloathe you all. says:
RADIOACCCTIVE

*naf puppy <3>
chlorinated sodium
sodiated chlorine

I megaloathe you all. says:
chlorinided sodiate

*naf puppy <3>
hahaha

*naf puppy <3>
sodium chloridinidate-187

I megaloathe you all. says:
also known as CHLORINATAL SODARIDE

*naf puppy <3>
IT EATS BABIES

I megaloathe you all. says:
EATS THEM AND THEN REPLACES THEM WITH HEART DISEASE
not to mention sodinunium chloriniderunium
you keep putting it on your food
but it keeps disappearing

*naf puppy <3>
WE MUST SUBSIST ON A DIET OF ROOTS AND BERRIES IN A PRIMITIVE HUNTER-GATHERER COMMUNITY OR ELSE WE WILL ALL GET CANCER

I megaloathe you all. says:
Here, eat this food from the health store OH WAIT THAT'S EVIL TOO

*naf puppy <3>
IT CONTAINS SALT

I megaloathe you all. says:
AND MSG
AND SOME SORT OF SUGAR
we're not sure which one
BUT IT'LL GIVE YOU CANCER OF THE FACE

*naf puppy <3>
so basically the message of this article is "NUTRIENTS BAD"

I megaloathe you all. says:
EVERYTHING BAD

*naf puppy <3>
TASTELESS GRUEL GOOD

I megaloathe you all. says:
Propyl gallate has not been proven to cause cancer, but studies done on animals have suggested that it could be linked to cancer, so it is an additive to be concerned about.

Wow. No wonder this is #3 on the list of "most dangerous additives."

I megaloathe you all. says:
FAIL

*naf puppy <3>
We have no idea what it is or what it does, so BE AFRAID

I megaloathe you all. says:
"dreaddydave: I use agave nectar anyway, but what ever.

I also am a big proponent of replacing more foods with tequila."

Enjoy your day.

2008-05-20T11:56:00.000-07:00

Things I learned while working in a Dairy Queen (which, for those of you who may not know, was my previous job):

Things we didn't sell at the store, but people seemed to think we did:
- hamburgers
- fries
- chicken nuggets
- chicken wings
- salads
- coffee
- canned pop
- walnuts
- hard ice cream
- kid-sized Blizzards
- chocolate ice cream
- swirl cones

Names people got wrong because they obiviously didn't read the sign outside:
- Iced caps
- Big Macs
- Whoppers
- Mochachinnos
- Frappachinos
- "Value meal"
- Flurries
- Slurpees
- Slushies

Names of actual items people consistantly got wrong:
- wiffle bowls
- waaaaa-fle bowls
- those waffle things... with the, like, ice cream or something in them...? (It's always those fucking waffle bowls)
- penis-buster parfaits (peanut-buster)
- waffle dog (Whistle dog)
- caramel dip (it's BUTTERSCOTCH. BUTTER-FREAKING-SCOTCH)
- Misters (Misties)

Customers that will stick out in my mum for their sheer assholishness:
- That woman who told me to go "fuck myself" because her husband asked her to hurry up after taking literally 10 minutes to count her change in the drive-thru window.
- The woman known as "crazy milkshake lady" who screamed for 5 minutes straight about the fact that we forgot straws, and threw her milkshakes.
- The guy who screamed at my brother for dropping a coin on his car, because he thought that he caused a huge dent.
- The woman who yelled at me because I didn't realize that she had a child in the car, how DARE I not use my magical x-ray vision to see that her kid was in the care, the NERVE of me.
- The guy who tried to steal a small Blizzard right in front of me. WAY TO GO, MORAN.

Things I want to tell everyone who talks back to me on headset:
- Shut up. Seriously, shut up.

could you please be quiet, please?

give tea a chance

everything ever ever ever is bad for you.

Enjoy your day.